Relationship Truths

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According to a magazine article that I came across, learning important facts about what makes unions tick (and tank) can help you avoid trouble. I agree. Navigating a relationship can sometimes feel like driving to an unknown destination without a map or GPS -- confusing and even scary.

The so-called “love experts” analyzed recent dating trends to define a whole new set of relationship rules to guide us along.

Here’s the first truth: Spending time apart strengthens your bond. “When you take time away from each other, it gives you both the opportunity to collect new thoughts, new stories, and new ideas to share,” says Jennifer Oikle, PhD, dating coach for Coupling Connection.

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“When you’re distanced, you really think about the person and yearn for them, and you look forward to seeing them again.”
 
Yup. It’s not healthy to spend every waking hour together. Besides, we can also see couples that are almost always together. But they share with one another only information about their experiences but never the experiences themselves. No matter how distant men appear to be, underneath each one of us is a soul. And while we don’t appear eager, we make every effort to connect.

We want to know all about the person we love: who she is, what she thinks, what makes her laugh. We care about her and her feelings. But for two people to grow in a relationship, it is just as important that they also continue growing as individuals. And that also means growing while being apart.

Truth No 2: Your inkling that something is wrong in the relationship is probably right. Women by nature, have a keen intuition so we feel any kind of distancing pretty quickly. And unless you’re an overly suspicious or insecure person, you should always trust your gut.

For example: He can’t be reached. Before the days of texting, e-mailing, IMing and Facebooking, if you didn’t hear from your boyfriend for a day or two, it wasn’t the end of the world (or your relationship). But now that communication is so easy and instant, it’s usually a sign he’s not into you.

“For the record, if a guy is into you, he’ll never be too busy,” says Paul Coleman, PhD, author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Intimacy.

This is a body of thought that potentially has its corrosive effect on a relationship. While women are said to have the eighth sense, it also doesn’t always make sense! It wouldn’t hurt if women use their common sense. A guy who loves his girl incorporates her into his plans.

He calls. Not every five minutes. But in an interval that’s enough for her to know he thinks about her. Just a word of caution though. Guys are at times silent because the world has gotten much, much noisier our brains can’t keep up anymore. We just want to be still.
This “inkling” stuff can lubricate the rise of paranoia that is at times so freaking, out of this world. Use it with care. Who knows? It might only be Green Day pumping lethal amounts of teenage angst into one’s ears!

Truth No. 3: If a man has a history of cheating on his girlfriends, he’ll probably cheat on you too. According to Jay Carter, PsyD, author of Nasty Men, “any guys two-time because they love the thrill of the chase, they need to feed their ego, or they have a hard time turning down a woman when the opportunity presents itself.”

A recent MSNBC.com survey found that men are twice as likely as women are to cheat more than once. So ladies, it’s good to study history, not just in school.

Imagine us asking this question in unison, in the exact tone as Scooby Doo says: “Shaggy?!” That’s why a man forgets his mistakes because there’s no point in two people remembering the same thing. But seriously, we all are flawed people who are capable of loving and being loved.

I must admit men should also work smarter in keeping ourselves trustworthy. But women also have to recognize that no matter how people have wronged, there is always a way to be good again. Hey, it’s the season of love. Let’s discover more the magic of exercise beyond jumping to conclusions. It’s healthy.